


Stay

by whutnot



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Lin has a lot of self-worth issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whutnot/pseuds/whutnot
Summary: Lin thinks Kya wants to date other people, but Kya thinks that Lin doesn't believe she can stay faithful.
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Kya II
Comments: 12
Kudos: 244
Collections: Kyalin, Legend of korra





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel of sorts to my fic Drinks, though they can stand completely separately.

It’s late when she gets home, and her apartment is predictably empty. She’d told Kya not to hang around, so really, can she even be upset that her girlfriend listened? Can she even call Kya her girlfriend? 

Sighing, more disappointed than she cares to admit, Lin bends off her uniform and takes out some leftovers from the icebox that she will eat cold. She can’t muster up the energy to reheat them, and Kya’s not there to scold her anyway. 

As she could have predicted, dinner is thoroughly unsatisfying.

After an hour or two on the couch listening to the radio, she drags herself to her empty bed and tries not to think too much about what Kya must be doing. Spirits, wasn’t Lin the one who said they didn’t need to be exclusive? If Kya was fucking someone else, it was no business of Lin’s, she’d made sure of that.

Still, she tosses and turns and lies awake for hours, her head filled with visions of Kya and some unnamed woman. And it’s stupid, Lin knows. It’s jealous and hypocritical, and most of all childish. If she can’t even muster up the courage to tell Kya she loves her, then how can she possibly expect someone as incredible as Kya to stay interested in her. Hadn’t that been the plan all along? Make sure Kya always has a bed to warm between her travels, but not ask for too much commitment. She’s managed to convince herself this is the only way Kya will have her. Casual, fun, easy.

But it’s been anything but easy.

It’s been hell. It’s been torture. It’s been nauseating and stifling and she thinks that she can’t really take much more of it. But she refuses to lose Kya, even if she can only have her halfway.

The next evening when Kya is actually over, and Lin has actually gotten home on time after a monumental effort, they’re sitting at the table, both quiet as they eat.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” It’s the third time Kya has asked, and Lin keeps saying yes because she doesn’t even know where to start. If she’s learned anything at all from her mother, it’s that her emotions are best kept buried as deep as they can go. 

“Yeah. Fine.”

Kya sighes and rubs her eyes. “Lin, just tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.” They don’t talk about their feelings. Not if Lin can help it. They just have fun, they just fuck. That’s all it is, all it can ever be, Lin knows this. She knows it, and she will take it, even if she aches for more. After all, hasn’t her entire life been about getting shafted? Why stop now?

“It’s clearly not nothing. You’ve barely said two words to me. I thought you wanted to spend time together?”

“I’m not really in the mood tonight.” Because as much as she wants Kya, she can’t manage to think about sex right now. 

“I wasn’t suggesting sex, Lin. You’ve been so busy lately, and I’ve missed you. I just wanted to spend the evening with you.”

Lin looks up at her. “Why?”

And Kya’s mouth falls slack as she stares back. “Wh-Spirits, Lin, because I like you? Why do you think I’m here?”

Lin thinks now that this might be a trap, but still, she slowly says, “So we can fuck?”

The silence stretches between them for a long time, long enough that Lin thinks she’s said the wrong thing now. She just can’t figure out what she should have said instead. 

“What?”

Lin knows now that she needs to figure out something else, so she dives right in. “Or, you know, so that you have something familiar to come back to between your...your  _ others _ .” She really had tried to keep the word from sounding so bitter, but it comes out in a harsh bite despite her best efforts, and Kya’s eyes go wide.

“My others?”

“Yeah, the other women.” Lin can tell Kya is upset, but she’s having a really hard time figuring out why. 

“And that bothers you?”

“I don’t love it,” she admits, grumbles, really.

“Lin, you were the one who said you didn’t want to be exclusive!” She thinks that Kya might be shaking now. 

“Well, I didn’t want to limit you.”

“Limit me-” Kya lets out a harsh breath, something that’s between a laugh and a sob. “I thought you wanted the freedom! I thought you asked because  _ you  _ wanted to date other people!”

This throws Lin for a loop, and she is starting to reassess her entire view of this relationship. “What? No, I did it for your sake.”

“You wanted to be exclusive? This whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“And you never asked because you thought, what? That I was incapable of monogamy?”

Lin has never been great with words, and she knows she needs to be so so so careful. But it takes her too long to reply, and Kya’s nostrils flare as her throat works against tears.

“Oh. I see.”

“Kya-”

“You think I have so little control over myself that I’ll spread my legs for any attractive woman who looks my way?”

And now Lin is very, very certain that she has royally, colossally, monstrously fucked up.

“That’s not what I think.” Her voice sounds weak and unconvincing even to her own ears. 

“Isn’t it? You’re sitting here telling me that you didn’t ask to be exclusive because you think all I want to do is sleep around? I’ve never felt so  _ cheap _ , Lin.”

Lin’s throat doesn’t want to make the sounds she knows she has to make, because if she doesn’t say anything, Kya is going to get up and walk out of her life forever. And Lin thinks, perhaps too dramatically, she might die if that happens.

So she stutters out a desperate, pathetic, “I didn’t want you to get bored.”

It’s not really what she meant to say, but it has Kya looking at her with piercing clarity.

“Bored? Lin...do you think I’m just with you for sex?”

Before she can think better of it, her traitorous mouth answers. “Why else would you stay with me?”

All of the anger drains from Kya’s face, replaced by something like anguish. “You can’t be serious. Lin, I’m with you because I love you.”

“I don’t understand,” is all she can say because this does not fit with the narrative she has written for herself. The one where she has nothing to offer anyone except her loyalty, her bending, her life. The one where no one will miss her if she doesn’t come back from a mission. 

Kya moves her chair very close to Lin, studying her intently. “I’m going to ask you a question, Lin, and I need you to be honest with me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Do you think that sex is all you have to offer me?”

“...and my bed?”

“Oh Lin.” Kya shakes her head, a tear rolling down her cheek, and Lin wonders when her chest got so tight. “You are so much more than that. I don’t give a shit if we never have sex again. I’m here with you now because I think you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”

“Why?” All she’s ever heard is how she’s not enough. Not enough for her mother, not enough for her sister, not enough for Tenzin. Work is all she’s good at, and even then, she’ll never be as good as Toph.

“Because you’re selfless and brave and beautiful. And you have a wicked sense of humor.” Kya takes Lin’s hands in her own. “And I thought you accepted my nomadic ways.” Her face darkens. “Were you lying about that, too?”

Lin honestly isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say. Should she say that she wants Kya with her all the time? That her heart aches every time Kya is gone? That she’s at her happiest when she’s wrapped in Kya’s arms? 

Or should she say she doesn’t mind? That it doesn’t rip her apart to watch Kya leave, wondering if she’ll come back this time?

“I want you to be happy,” she settles on.

“That didn’t answer the question.”

Lin sighs in frustration, in fear. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to have the decency to be honest with me!”

“I hate when you’re gone! Hate it! I hate coming home to an empty apartment. I hate wondering where you are and if you’re safe. I  _ hate  _ thinking about you with other women. But I didn’t want you to think I was trying to change you. I wanted you, in whatever capacity you would take me.” It feels like a weakness to admit this, like she’s some dog begging for scraps. But Kya wants honesty, and she wants Kya.

“Lin, why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“Because you wouldn't have stayed,” she says miserably. 

“You made that assumption all on your own, Lin.” Kya’s voice has grown harsh again, and Lin is resigning herself to being single once again. Maybe, probably, forever. If Kya can’t put up with her, then who can? Who would want to? “You didn’t talk to me. You just made that decision all on your own.”

Lin sits, hunched over, waiting for the inevitable, waiting for Kya to leave. She starts shutting down her emotions, locking them away just like she should have done a long time ago. Bury them where they can’t hurt her anymore.

“Yeah, got it,” she says, voice wavering despite her best efforts to sound unaffected. “I fucked up. You can stay here tonight if you need to. I’ll stay in the guest room.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Fine, I get it, you don’t want to be around me. I’ll call the Island, let them know you’re coming.”

“Lin, I am not breaking up with you.”

Surprised, she looks up at Kya. “What?”

“I’m pissed, but did you miss the part where I said I love you?”

“I…” She thinks that she’s woefully underprepared for someone like Kya. Toph never taught her anything about relationships besides how to quit them. “That doesn’t mean anything.” 

Because didn’t Tenzin say he loved her still even as he ended things, even as he started dating a woman  _ fifteen years _ younger than Lin? Didn’t Toph say she loved Lin even as they fought and she fucked off to who knows where? Love didn’t stop people from leaving her.

“It means everything,” Kya says defensively. “I want you in my life, Lin. That’s why I keep coming back to you. Not because you’re a good lay. Spirits, Lin. I’m not just waiting for something better to come alone. This, being with you, is the something better. I want all of you, Lin, and I want to give you all of me. Please let me.” Kya has always been more perceptive than her younger brother, and she moves her hand to cup Lin’s cheek. “I am not Tenzin. I don’t want you to be anyone else. I won’t ask you to give more than you can, and I won’t punish you for being who you are.”

The wetness on her cheeks surprises Lin. She had not realized she was crying. It’s not something she does often. It’s something she tries to avoid if at all possible. But the tears are flowing freely now, and she covers Kya’s hand with her own.

“If I ask you to stay, will you resent me?”

“I want to travel.”

Lin pulls her hand back quickly. “Oh.”

But Kya catches it, holding tight. “I want to travel, but I will find a balance with you.”

“ _ Oh _ .”

“And, maybe sometimes...you could travel with me?”

Her stomach sinks because she knows her answer, and she knows it will disappoint Kya. “I need to be here for work.”

The way Kya sighs hits places deep inside Lin that she does not like to think about. 

“That’s okay. I know your work is important to you.”

“It’s not…” Lin takes a deep breath. “It’s not more important than you. It’s just important in a different way.” Tenzin had never been able to understand that, never been able to accept that her staying late at work didn’t mean she didn’t love him. It just meant that people still needed her. 

“I know.” Kya’s being gentle with her again, and Lin wonders why Kya thinks she needs to be coddled. She finds, though, that she doesn’t mind it so much when it comes from Kya. “I won’t ask you to give up your work if you promise not to be upset if I need to travel.”

Lin nods. She thinks she can accept that. “Okay.”

“And just to be clear, neither of us will be sleeping with anyone else. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it.”

Kya’s thumb wipes away her tears, and Lin wonders if she’s allowed to be vulnerable now, if it won’t, in fact, kill her. 

“So, to recap. I love you, Lin, and I am not breaking up with you.”

“I, um, I love you, too.”

And she thinks that maybe putting herself out there was worth it because when Kya smiles, it’s the most beautiful thing Lin has ever seen.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I do. I’m...I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kya. I’m sorry.”

“I know. You have to talk to me about these things.”

“I’m not good at talking.”

“I’ll help you.” Kya kisses Lin’s knuckles. “But we do have to talk about this, all of this. About why you thought I wouldn’t want to stay for you.”

“Do we have to?”

“Not today, but yes, we do. Or you can talk to a healer. But I’m worried about you. You have a lot of pain you need to work through.”

Later, when Lin does go to a healer, she will learn about what depression is, and her life will make a lot more sense to her. She will learn that the scars on her face are not the only ones her family has left her with. She will learn that her worth is not measured in how others view her. It will take time, so much time, but she will learn that she does, in fact, have a lot to offer.

But for now, she can only press herself against Kya, finally allowing herself to take support from someone else.

When Kya takes her to bed that night, Lin has hope for the first time in a long time that maybe, just maybe, she’s on the right path. 


End file.
